Do I get a Lawyer? A Mediator? Should I do it by Myself?


The “best way” to divorce is to find a process which results in peace for yourself and your family – your children and your about-to-be former spouse!

Looking back over 41 years of  experience in divorce mediation and litigation, I can say that as difficult as it may seem at the time when emotions are running high, that “winning” or getting your way on all the issues is not usually the path to lasting happiness or peace and most importantly the respect and trust of your children.

Over and over we hear from former clients and their spouses if I represented one side that the best decision they ever made was to stop fighting.  Even when litigation has spanned over many years, reaching a peace and an end to the strife is best for everyone.  Just ask my husband who happened to find himself playing tennis with the ex -spouse of the wife of his good friend.  Both sides have confided in him how much life has improved now that the many years of bitterness and quarreling and court actions are over.  By walking away from insisting on his positions, the father now has everything he wants and the children are free to come and go and see him as they all please. He says everyone won when he let the battle go.

How do you go about finding the best process to reach a peaceful resolution? In this blog series I will set out the different processes to choose from.  But most importantly, I suggest to my clients that they listen carefully to their spouse and try to see the issue from of their spouse’s point of view.   Elvis once said “You can’t walk in another man’s shoes”, but you can sure try to see it their way! Everyone can try to hear and imagine what is important to their spouse and why and then determine if it is really more important to take that away,  or can you let them have it and, in return, have a chance of building back a little of the trust and respect that has been lost.

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